The Little Things
October 13, 2015
Disclaimer: I received a copy of “The Entitlement Cure” for free as part of being on the launch team. No other forms of compensation were given, and all reviews and thoughts are my own! I was so excited to be part of the launch team for The Entitlement Cure since the author, John Townsend, is one of my favorites in the mental health realm (I use several of his books weekly in my office!). The subtitle of the book is “finding success in doing hard things the right way”. On the website, the book is described the following way: “We are surrounded by entitlement. We witness it throughout our culture- people ignore responsibility, live selfishly, choose comfort first, and are their own number one priority. It is a multi-generational disease infecting relationships in our homes, in our workplaces, and in our churches. But there is hope and a solution… Dr. John Townsend invites us to help others of hard things the right way- the only way to find true success” (source).

The Entitlement Cure John Townsend Book Review

Townsend not only talks about “the entitled person”, but also invites us to look at our own “pocket entitlements”, which are small places of entitlement within each of us. There were several chapters that I really enjoyed. He has a chapter on “disclipline and structure”, and address ways to not only help others in creating discipline and structure, but also outlines steps for creating that within ourselves! His wise words felt transformational to me, and I’ve already put some of that to good use within my office setting. Another chapter I really appreciated was “Change ‘I deserve’ to ‘I am responsible’.”. When we say “I deserve”, we not only become entitled, but we become a passive participant in our lives. I am responsible connotes ownership and the active participation in our lives. I am responsible for working hard so that I can _____ (fill in the blank). I deserve leaves us helpless.

Here’s a quick video of the “I am responsible” mindset…

His words totally changed my perspective on several things in life, and I believe that putting his advice into practice can be transformational. One thing I really love about this book is that at the end of every chapter, he includes skills to work on and questions to answer. This helps to give guidance as we move forward in becoming healthier people! I also want to mention that I actually ate lunch with the author last year, and he was an absolutely delightful person to be around. He writes and speaks with grace and humility, which I appreciate, especially when dealing with issues such as these. Here are a few quotes I absolutely loved. “Throughout our life, we will experience stress, frustrations, and hurts. We will be required to make difficult decisions, and we will make hurtful mistakes. The fuel to survive and recover from those obstacles of life comes from the empathy, acceptance, and understanding we receive from others. We also need connectedness in the arenas related not to survival but to fulfillment: encouragement to be creative, innovative, and productive.” (p. 56) “People who have happiness as their goal get locked into the pain/pleasure motivation cycle. They never do what causes them pain, but always do what brings them pleasure. This put us on the same thinking level as a child, who has difficulty seeing past his or her fear of pain and love of pleasure. There is nothing wrong with happiness. But in a healthy life, happiness comes as a by-product of doing what you love, having purpose, and giving back.” (p. 66) “The skill of discipline is based on a process of information and support that works over time. This process creates and develops a critical character ability that psychologists call internal structure. Internal structure is the capacity to focus your energy over time. It is the steady framework of the mind. Internal structure is a combination of your capacities to focus, persevere, and delay gratification toward a goal” (p. 112 -he goes on to outline ways to develop that internal structure). “One of my rules is, ‘If you’re spending more energy focused on the issues of your partner than on your own, even if the person is an addict or a felon, you’re never going to be happy or healthy.’ Why not? Because until you do your own ‘I was wrong,’ you won’t learn what inside of you keeps you rescuing, enabling, or putting up with bad behavior.” (p. 226)- saying “I was wrong ____” allows us to take responsibility and ownership, which means that we can then make changes. The Entitlement Cure was truly fantastic, and I hope you’ll take the time to not only read it, but to allow some of the wisdom to change your life!
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