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For all of you who celebrate Thanksgiving- HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
This is a weird Thanksgiving for me because it’s the first year that I’m not going to be at my parents’ house on Thanksgiving Day… at least since 1988 (we moved into the house in the spring of 1989). This was the only holiday that I’ve consistently spent there, so it’s strange to not be there. Just like last year, 2014 has been a difficult year in so many ways. I keep most of my personal life off the blog due to my job as a counselor, but this year has been filled with many deep losses (my grandpa dying and cat passing away were just the surface) and all sorts of pain. Those things have been so very hard, but the year has also been SO. VERY. GOOD. I’ve had so many beautiful gifts placed into my life, whether that be experiences, people, goals being met, or moments in nature. Life is beautiful, even in the midst of pain and suffering. I’m so thankful for that.
Today, on this day of Thanksgiving, I have so much to be thankful for. My life is full of people who love and value me, both friends and family, new and old. My health, while certainly not great due to POTS, could be so much worse, so I’m thankful that it’s not getting worse. I’m thankful for doctors and medications that allow me to function well. I’m thankful for the miles I’ve walked, run, and biked. I’m thankful for the hours spent on the phone and texting with friends who aren’t close by. I’m thankful for hugs and laughter. I’m thankful for beautiful sunrises and sunsets, gorgeous flowers, peaceful snow falls, and changing leaves. I’m thankful for this beautiful air that I breathe, for the ease in getting water. I’m thankful for peace and hope in suffering. I’m thankful for the lessons that come out of struggle. And I’m overwhelmingly thankful that the bigger story is that IT IS WELL. Life is beautiful, and I am thankful.
When it comes to thankfulness, this is the song I’ve thought of for well over a decade, and is one that I shared on Thanksgiving last year:
Happy Thanksgiving to each of you, no matter where you’re at in the world. Today, whether this is your Thanksgiving holiday or not, recognize what life has given to you. Even in pain, it’s beautiful.
4 names that people call me (other than my real name):
1) Car (pronounced “care”)
2) Bug (my dad)
3) Cardine (air force brother)
4) Twinkles (back during my camp days)
4 jobs I’ve had:
1) Mental Health Counselor
2) Pilates/Barre Instructor
3) Graduate Research Assistant
4) Lifeguard (high school and early college)
4 movies I have watched more than once:
1) Catching Fire
2) A Boyfriend For Christmas (hahaha- a cheesy classic Christmas movie :D)
3) Bridesmaids
4) Inception
4 books I’d recommend:
1) The Fault in Our Stars
2) The Hiding Place
3) Boundaries
4) Notes From A Blue Bike
4 places I’ve lived:
1) Minnesota
2) Wisconsin
3) Colorado
4) Indiana
4 places I’ve been:
1) Greece
2) Cuenca, Ecuador
3) Dominican Republic
4) Boston
4 places I’d rather be right now:
1) Marco Island, Florida (warmth! Sand! Sunshine! water!)
2) Either the placka in Athens, Greece, or sitting on a Greek Island
3) Colorado- I’ve got an itch to go hiking and camping.
4) Germany
4 things I don’t eat:
1) Seafood- just thinking about it makes me gag.
2) Capers- not a fan.
3) Brussels Sprouts- I wish I liked them!
4) Venison- there’a a story behind it.
4 of my favorite foods:
1) Gyros
2) Oatmeal (it’s one of the things I miss the most about US foods when I travel)
3) Bagels
4) Coffee
4 TV shows that I watch(ed):
1) SCANDAL
2) Dancing With The Stars
3) Modern Family
4) Parenthood
4 things I am looking forward to this year:
1) Cleaning out my closets. They’re starting to drive me crazy
2) Christmas! (specifically spending time with my brothers)
3) Spending time with my friends
4) Seeing the article I’ve worked on for the last year and a half get published!
4 things I’m saying:
1) I Can Do Hard Things. (to myself and to my clients)
2) I can’t decide what color to paint my nails this weekend. (almost every week)
3) I just need to make some tea, then I’ll be ready to go (Almost every hour of every day to my clients in the waiting room. I’m serious about my tea drinking).
4) “that’s not ideal” (the phrase of choice since I’ve tried to cut out using the following words: awful, terrible, miserable, intolerable, horrible).
Now it’s your turn to share! Pick one of the prompts and answer in the comments below!
Welcome to another edition of my journaling series! My prompt for you today is to think about a person (or a small handful of people) whom you are especially thankful for in your life. You may have never met the person (or they could be your best friend), they may have done something meaningful or modeled something meaningful, but think of someone who has deeply impacted your life (and are thankful for that).
There are so many people I think of when I think of people I’m thankful for. One is my friend Sandy (not her real name), whom I met in 2006. I was coming off the death of someone close to me, and I was overwhelmed. Sandy became my mentor, and helped walk through this loss with me. I learned so much from her, and I definitely would not be the counselor I am today if I hadn’t met her. A few months after I met her, she was diagnosed with stomach cancer, and died just 10 months after I met her. Our relationship was really short, but she made a big mark on my life, and I think about her regularly as I counsel others. I think about what Sandy did in my life, and I try to emulate that for others who have been placed in my life as well.
So, in this week of thanks here in the U.S., I challenge you to think about a person you’re thankful for in your life. Spend a bit of time writing down what they did for you, and what you learned from them. How can you incorporate part of who they are or what they’ve done into your own life?
Now it’s your turn to share! What person are you feeling thankful for this week?
** For a discount code for BioSkin, check out this post.
Surviving The Holidays With Family: Basic tips to stay healthy when you’re interacting with family
6 Ways To Deal With Stress and Anxiety: A succinct post with various steps to help manage your stress in day-to-day situations.
Grace and Gratitude: This is something I repeat often to myself, especially in situations like a family holiday celebration. Try it out and see how it goes!
Grounding Techniques: Particularly helpful if a fight is going on and anxiety is increasing. This helps keep us grounded in the present and reduces our stress.
Owning Our Reactions: This is of particular importance when stress runs high and we get frustrated with those around us. This goes back to the series on boundaries.
REBT Self Help Form and The Thought Record: Both of these posts go through different forms and step by step processes to keep our thoughts and feelings in check when we start to feel anxious, depressed, frustrated, and stressed.
Catastrophizing and Black and White Thinking: Two posts I did on two different cognitive distortions. These can easily come out in full force during holidays and family get togethers.
Reducing Stress During the Holiday Season: Practical steps to decrease stress.
5 Healthy Habits That Can Change Your Life: This post goes through various healthy habits that, when implemented, have the power to make huge changes in your life. Trying to implement one or two during holidays can be helpful!
I hope that one of these links will be helpful for each of you and your particular circumstances throughout the next few weeks!
**For fun, check out this delicious Glazed Pumpkin Donut Muffin recipe!
Now it’s your turn to share! What’s one of your favorite ways to stay mentally healthy during family celebrations or big holidays?
**Make sure to check out this post for a great discount on one of my favorite running products!
Pretty great, right? (disclaimer: The above link is an affiliate link, and I make a small percentage off anything purchased through the link) This discount is good through December 1st, so you have a bit of time to figure out what you’d like! This sale has already started, so get shopping! Any runner in your life will LOVE the calf sleeves, but the other products are so fantastic too!
Check it out and share the BioSkin love!
Indoor lighting… with Starbucks of course!
Outdoor lighting… with snow!
Obviously I struggled with the pictures this week. Apparently this type of sparkly gold is difficult to get a good, crisp picture of when I’m holding my phone with just one hand. Oops. Oh well. You can see that it’s gold and sparkly, and that’s the point!
Here are some random facts for your friday:
1. This weekend I had one of the most delicious burgers of my life! I was with Melissa and Caitlin in Columbus, and we went out to Flip Side at the Easton Mall. I got a mango habanero burger, and it was DELICIOUS!
2. I finally got my first red starbucks cup of the season! I jumped in with a bang by getting 3 drinks on Saturday (it was buy one get one free for all holiday flavored drinks!). The nice Starbucks cashier gave me my soy milk for free (normally it’s an additional 70 cents), which I was so thankful for! But seriously… these cups are beautiful.
3. Do you ever wonder what “behind the scenes of blogging” actually looks like? Here’s a quick look:
Getting a good picture of our race gear from the Hot Chocolate Race this weekend. Melissa is taking a picture, I’m taking a picture of her taking the picture, and Caitlin had just taken a picture of both of us.
I was trying to learn more about SEO, and Melissa was patiently teaching me…
4. Fitz was all sorts of attached to me on Friday. For the first few hours I was home from work, he wouldn’t leave me alone. He took to holding my foot with his paws, and when I wasn’t giving him enough attention, he just laid on my computer instead.
5. We got our first real snowfall this past Sunday/Monday, and we started with a BANG! We got 3-4 inches on Sunday, and then got a bit of snow on Monday and Tuesday as well. It seems to have just been slowly falling steadily. The feels like on Tuesday morning was -8… IN NOVEMBER! This winter is going to be a very very real thing…
Now it’s your turn to share! Do you have a favorite celebratory nail polish? Tell me one random fact from your week!
Hello and happy Thursday! I hope your week is going well as we inch along closer and closer to Thanksgiving! This fall has just flown by at unreal speeds, and I don’t see how it’s possible for us to be so close to Thanksgiving (and then the whole Christmas holiday season!). Here’s what I’m thankful for today!
I’m thankful for a fun weekend with friends! This past weekend I spent in Columbus, Ohio for the Hot Chocolate race! Melissa and I had just seen Cait 2 weeks ago when she came to run Indy Monumental with me, but it was still so much fun to see her again!
I’m thankful for warm running clothes. This november has led to far colder runs than is typical for this time of year. I’m thankful I have a specific running jacket, and have warm socks and running tights that keep me warm while I’m out on the road.
I’m thankful for my microwave. I know there are some people who enjoy living without a microwave, and feel like it’s easy enough to do so. However, I love not having to take the time to preheat the oven or boil water on the stove. It’s so easy to stick a meal I’ve pre-cooked into the microwave for 60-90 seconds and have it ready to eat! I also microwave water almost every hour of the day to make tea at work, and am so thankful for how quick and easy the microwave makes it!
I’m thankful for the extra work I’ve had this fall. This fall has been absolutely, ridiculously busy. I balance three different jobs on top of a grant that I’m working on (which is on my own time, and not part of any of the other jobs I have, the lecturing and speaking that I do, and journal article writing. It makes for some really hectic weeks (and the occasional frantic moment in the middle of it), but I’m thankful that I have the opportunities that I do! I’m also thankful for the extra money that I’ve been able to make and save as a result.
I’m thankful for free moments when I need them. On Tuesday I had an especially busy day planned (work from 7:45 am -10 pm), but I had two clients cancel, and was able to squeeze a bike ride in in late afternoon, which was awesome! Sometimes I feel like little free moments happen especially when I need them, and I’ve been noticing that more over the past few weeks!
Now it’s your turn to share! What are you feeling thankful for today?
1. I’ve learned to not say “never”. I used to say that I would never be a runner…that I hated it. Oops… Because, it turns out, I am a runner and I LOVE it. Running has taught me to keep trying things, even if I don’t like them or they aren’t easy at first. Preferences and hobbies change over time, so I’ve learned to not close doors forever.
2. I can do hard things. Running has taught me that I can do hard things, and I can overcome those hard things. Running provides a very tangible thing to hold onto (race memories, race pictures, training situations) when I’m worried I can’t do something else hard in my life. I can do the hard things.
3. There’s joy in the journey. Running 13.1 isn’t just about race day… it’s about all the days leading up to race day too! There’s joy, struggles, and so many lessons learned through the weeks of training, and the more I can capture the excitement of training each week, the more enjoyable the whole race experience (from start of training to processing the race afterwards) actually is.
4. Running 13.1 has taught me the importance of balance both within my body and within my life. Running 13.1 well means cross training, strengthening other, weaker areas of my body, and keeping other areas of life healthy as well (hydrating, appropriate diet, sleeping well, having fun with friends, etc…). Running has made my life as a whole so much healthier as I strive to stay balanced.
5. Running 13.1 has taught me that I don’t have to be defined by my chronic illness (POTS). For so long I thought that exercising would be out of the question forever, but I slowly built up my workout tolerance, and I did it with a whole lot of fight and perseverance.
6. The race course gives a high that is hard to replicate in most other areas of life. Ok- so I’ve never done drugs, so keep that in mind, but the high is fantastic. Conquering something fantastic, seeing all the race signs and people out cheering, and feeling the adrenaline and endorphins surge through my body all lead to these insane feelings that are really hard to describe.
7. You don’t have to meet your goals or set a new record to have a good or valuable race. There are plenty of races I’ve had that haven’t gone the way I’ve wanted them to go- I ran a near perfect race, was set to PR, and lost it in the last mile when I was wracked with really bad cramps that made it impossible to even move at one point. I’ve run races where I’ve missed my PR by a few seconds, wondering where I could’ve pushed it just a bit more to get a new PR. I’ve had races where I’ve hit the wall at mil 7 or 8 (I still don’t really know how that happened!), and spent the rest of the race really struggling. All of it has been valuable, and I’ve learned so much from those races too. The “bad” races are still valuable, and it’s part of the journey.
8. I’ve developed more mental strength as a result of running longer distances. Running really is part mental, and the lessons I’ve learned in mental strength have been lessons I’ve implemented into so many other areas of life as well.
9. Running is a beautiful gift. Running is something that is so easy to take for granted (Just throw some shoes on and put one foot in front of the other! Sounds easy, right?), but we shouldn’t. One day we each won’t be able to run, but today is not that day for me, and I want to take advantage of the gift that I’ve been given while I’ve been given it!
10. Running 13.1 can lead to some great friendships and conversations along the course. I’ve chatted with people along 5k routes before, but when you’re running with a pace group or in a similar cluster of people for a half marathon, you have plenty of time to chat if you want! Running 13.1 was how I met Melissa!
11. Running can’t be the only form of physical activity I do… or I’ll get injured. Everyone is different, but once I started training for my first 13.1, I realized that I had to keep it balanced!
12. Running 13.1 ignited a passion in me that has carried over to lots of other things in my life!
13. The finish line…oh, the finish line. Coming into the finish line is unreal. The emotion hits like a wall, taking over every fiber of my being. The crowds screaming, the announcer saying your name, the sheer moment of realizing I DID IT. Realizing the hours and months and the pain along the way was all leading up to this very moment is overwhelming. The pride I feel, and the joy that comes with it, is amazing. The finish line of a race is truly one of the greatest and most inspiring places I’ve ever ben in my life.
13.1. Running 13.1 has enriched my ways in more ways than I ever thought possible. It’s changed my life.
Ok… well that’s been lots of rambling about 13.1. I love the distance, and am truly thankful for the beautiful and frustrating journey it’s been to each of my 13.1s. But really… I’m thankful for how this journey has really changed my life.
Now it’s your turn to share! How has running changed your life?
Dear Parent of Someone Diagnosed with POTS,
First of all- welcome to my blog. I am a mental health counselor, pilates barre instructor, runner, biker, and I love to travel. I also have POTS, and was diagnosed with POTS 10 years ago (but have been “sick” for 11 years now). Where I’m at today is leaps and bounds ahead of where I was those first years I was diagnosed, but I still experience pain and frustration daily because of my diagnosis. You’re starting on a long journey, but there are plenty of people to support you. Know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for your child, your family, and you. This journey is tough. There are moments of hope, moments of despair, and moments of confusion. There are moments of anger and frustration, and moments of joy.
I wish someone had sat down with my parents and really explained to them what was going on. Generally speaking, I felt really misunderstood by my family in terms of my diagnosis. Part of that was because I was diagnosed pretty early on in the POTS diagnosing, and there’s a lot more known today than there was back then (for instance, I was told that I’d be back to normal in a few years- this led to minimization of my experiences and a fall sense of hope!). Part of it was on me, as I shut down at the beginning and didn’t really talk about it at all. Take the time to read about POTS and about others’ experiences. Each person experiences POTS in different ways (we all don’t have the same cookie cutter experience!), so just because one person doesn’t experience something doesn’t mean your child is making it up, but it’ll give you a good idea of what they’re going through. Please know that your child isn’t “being dramatic” or “making it up” or “being weak”. Those phrases are so hurtful and damaging. Learn, read, and connect with other people with POTS so that you can learn, understand, and empathize.
Don’t create more guilt for your child. As a family, I’m sure you’re each experiencing some grief and loss in your own ways. Worry, fear, and misunderstanding can abound, and it’s easy to get angry and express frustrations towards your child. Please know that, more than likely, your child already feels incredibly guilty for their diagnosis, and the resulting changes and stress this creates in the family. Remember that we didn’t ask for this, and we suffer more than anyone else in this. Yes, it deeply impacts your life, but you don’t live moment to moment in pain, feeling dizzy, or unable to do the things you used to it. Living moment to moment, without a break from the diagnosis, is exhausting and overwhelming. I felt guilty for years, and comments those close to me made only served to hurt.
Get support for yourself outside of the family unit! Reach out to other parents of children with chronic illness so that you can get support for yourself! Seek out a counselor if needed- it’s a place to verbalize the things that you feel too horrible verbalizing to anyone else. Embrace the process of grief for yourself and your child- don’t try to deny it.
Don’t give up hope for your child. There are so many moments where life feels hopeless due to the diagnosis. “I’ll never feel better, I’ll never be able to have the life I imagined, I’ll never be able to do ____ again”. Having family and friends around me to hold onto hope when I’m struggling has been so incredibly helpful. Hold onto hope, and believe that progress will be made, even if it takes years and is slow.
Know that there are beautiful things that come out of suffering, and chronic illness is no different. There are beautiful lessons I’ve learned out of this deep pain in my life, and in some ways it’s made me be a much better and stronger person than I was before. There are lessons I’ve learned from being diagnosed with POTS that I wouldn’t have learned the same way without my diagnosis. I hate my diagnosis, and I’m thankful for many of the lessons as a result.
Life isn’t over, even though there are plenty of moments where it sort of feels that way. There’s beauty in pain and suffering. Even with my chronic illness, the hours and days I’ve lost being sick, the times I’ve sat in the hospital, and the piles of bills that have been paid every month for 11 years, life is still beautiful. Let me say that again- Life. Is. Beautiful.
Sincerely, A POTS patient learning to live with grace in the face of chronic illness.
**********************************************
For more information on POTS and life with chronic illness, check out my POTS page.
Cold weather running gear
On Sunday morning, Caitlin, Melissa, and I headed to downtown Columbus to run the Hot Chocolate Race (Cait was doing the 15k, and Melissa and I did the 5k). We didn’t head to the expo since we were heading into town on Saturday and had other plans to get to, so Cait’s cousin picked up all our stuff. He said the expo was well organized and smooth, and he was in and out in 15 minutes. With the bib came a cozy hot chocolate sweatshirt which I’m sure I’ll wear all winter. It runs pretty true to size. We were told to arrive at the race early, as there were 20,000 runners signed up. We ended up getting to the parking garage downtown at about 6:15 am, which was the suggested time from the race organization… and we were far too early. If it had been nice out, that would’ve been fine, but it was chilly, so it wasn’t ideal. It all ended up being fine, as we sat in the car with the heat on for another hour. People in cars around us were doing the same thing, so it all worked out. Parking was $5- not bad.
The parking garage was really close to the race start and finish, so we lucked out in that. Caitlin’s wave started at 7:30, so she left the car earlier than we did. Melissa and I made sure to leave enough time to go take a trip to the port-a-potties before the race. I have to say, this was one of the best port-a-potty situations at a race that I’ve ever seen. Not only were there rows and rows of them around the race area (and the course as a whole) so there weren’t long lines, but they were clean, didn’t smell badly, and had a hand sanitizer dispenser in it! All wins in my book. We took a quick picture with a hot chocolate cup, and then it was off to the race line!
Look how cute the race start was:
I loved all the little details that this race had, and loved the marshmallows on top of the start line! As we were waiting at the start, it started to flurry a bit, which was really pretty. Then we were off! Because we’re only two weeks out from Indy Monumental, we were both still not feeling 100% back to normal, and decided that this race was purely for fun. There was not even a thought in my mind of PRing but the day before I had mentioned that we would be getting a PR for the race… in amount of chocolate I would consume while racing. The first few minutes were tough physically as we started to shake thing sout, but then we both fell into a really good grove. We’ve run either 7 or 8 races together so far this year (depending on how you count it…), plus had lots of hours of training runs, so it’s easy to run with her. We just naturally fall into a groove, which makes it extra fun. The first mile flew by quickly, and I knew it was time to start looking forward to the chocolate stop on the route!
The 15k route had 4 chocolate stations throughout the race, but the 5k only had 2. Because I’m lactose intolerant, I had specifically brought lactose pills with me, and had to take a moment to stop on teh course and take one before I got my big pile of chocolate chips (the chocolate chips handed to us were just a bit smaller than quarter sized, and we were each handed a big handful). They had a water/gatorade station right after that, which was helpful. We slowed down a bit while we enjoyed our chocolate, and then we were on our way again. It was really enjoyable getting to run in downtown Columbus, as I’ve never gotten to run there before. The course route itself was pretty great, and Caitlin said that the 15k route was awesome too!
The 5k and 15k runners were together the first 2.5 miles of the race, and then split (the 15k runners joined us again before the end of the route), and the signage was really clear about where runners needed to be, which was nice. There was a nice sized crowd coming into the finish line with lots of cheering, which helped us kick it into gear the final part of the last mile. Overall, I really enjoyed the course. I was surprised by how hilly downtown Columbus actually was, and both Melissa and I commented on how much better we are at running hills- we’ve improved so much since the Carmel Half. We crossed the finish line in 36 minutes, which was fantastic for the stiffness and pains we had from our previous race, and me having to stop and take medicine on the course so I could walk and eat my chocolate chips 🙂
When I crossed the finish line, I realized that only the 15k runners got medals, which I was a little bummed about. Normally I’m totally fine not getting medals at 5ks, but this was a more expensive 5k, on top of the fact that the medals were really cute! Caitlin crossed the finish line a few minutes after we did, and we wandered over to the finish line tent to get our finisher mug with chocolate.
When I had seen pictures previously, I thought we would be getting nice mugs with food and chocolate inside (I was looking forward to having a mug that I could use later on…especially since I didn’t get a medal!), but what we actually got were plastic mug shaped bowls with partitions in it to hold the melted chocolate, hot chocolate, and treats. While it was set up well and the chocolate treats were fantastic, I was a bit bummed that this wouldn’t be a reusable mug!
Caitline’s medal and our post-race chocolate treats!
We found a place to sit down and enjoy all the goodies. To dip into the melted chocolate, we had a banana, cookies, a marshmallow (they needed more marshmallows!), baby pretzels, and a rice krispie. They nicely included a wet wipe for our use, as the chocolate was pretty messy. I enjoyed the hot chocolate too, although ended up throwing half of it away because it was just too chocolate-y.
I kept my space blanket around me for warmth, which also served to help catch all of the melted chocolate as I was eating!
They had rolls of plastic bags you could grab after eating to throw our bowl into (since it was covered in chocolate) so that we could transport it home without getting everything messy. That was really ideal, as I would’t have thought of that. They didn’t have any space blankets at the end of the race, which wasn’t ideal as we had a winter weather advisory in the morning. Because of POTS and the trouble I have at times regulating my body temperature, I went into a medical tent right after crossing the finish line and specifically asked for a blanket (they had plenty of them in there, but weren’t giving them out to everyone) to make sure that I didn’t cool down too fast. That was helpful, but I wish everyone had the opportunity to have one.
Other than the space blankets and lack of medals for the 5k runners, I really have no complaints about the course. The volunteers were fantastic, the race was organized REALLY well, the route was great, and I loved the sweatshirt we were given at the expo! This was such a fun “race” to start my off season on 🙂
To read other recaps, click on my race recaps page
